Month: November 2012

  • On Body Image.

    Once a while ago, a friend and I were discussing how guys can tell they’re attractive, because attractiveness is a very subjective trait, and while one can say they find themself decently attractive, you can’t really gauge your attractiveness without feedback from others. This discussion led my friend to conclude that she supposed guys could gauge their own attractiveness by how “successful” they were at getting girls.

    A little while later, I was reading a discussion thread on whether women check out men, and there was one comment that over two thousand commenters could relate to. And it went as follows:

    Check, check, check it out:

    You’ve likely been told you’re beautiful, hot, etc. by men and boys from a young age. You’ve seen men and boys blatantly check out your body from a young age. Men way too old to be looking at you that way saying things they shouldn’t be saying. And while the media bombards you with the message that unless you’re a 5’10″, 115 pound waif, you’re fat; unless you wear Maybellene, you’re ugly; men will tell you and show you that you are, in fact, attractive. It’s been going on so long that it’s just annoying now, but it happens.

    Now, imagine if no man ever looked at you your whole life. No man ever told you how pretty you look today. You can count on one hand how many times a man has looked at you or complimented you in that way. But, dig this, the media’s still telling you you’re unattractive. The difference now is that you have constant reinforcement that they’re right, they’re absolutely right. No man truly finds you attractive, your boyfriends and lovers just told you you are because that’s what they’re supposed to do.

    That’s what being a man is like. Women don’t tell us we’re attractive out of the blue. Women don’t stare at us. And the media tells us that without P90X we’ll forever remain unattractive. And we don’t receive any contrary experiences. Girlfriends and lovers tell us we’re attractive because that’s what we want to hear, not because it’s true.

    As one person commented, “A girl randomly told me I looked good over 3 years ago. I still remember that and think about it fondly to this day.”

    I found the discussion thread amusing, but also a little sad, because of how many people- including myself- could relate on some level to the comment. I can actually count on one hand the number of times I have been complimented on my looks. I’ve always been skinny growing up- mostly I joke because I’m such a spaz, partially thanks to a decent metabolism, but I can’t seem to buff up. It’s different if you’re large- you can turn that fat into muscle. But if you’re a chronically skinny guy, it’s hard to make gains.

    While women are probably rolling their eyes at someone complaining about being skinny, spending a lifetime being told by girls you’re interested in that you’re too skinny combined with random girls always approaching your more built guy friends when you go out while you remain invisible reinforces that idea and gives one a sense of body image disorder.

    I mean, I think I look okay, but you look at what girls swoon over in the media and it’s the Matthew McConaugheys, the David Beckhams of the world. The role of the skinny guy is never desirable- you’re better off being Homer Simpson or the King of Queens.

    I’ve spent a lifetime building on my creative endeavors and reading and learning new things, but there are just times when you just want to know what it feels like to be desired and attractive. It took a long while to build up any sort of confidence about my body image and accepting that any gains I make will be meager. But it was nice to know that I wasn’t the only one who felt that way, and that women aren’t the only ones susceptible to the pressures of having an ideal body type by the media.